Tyger, tyger burning bright
In the forests of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry
-William Blake
When Billy Blake penned this bad boy back in the 1800s, Eldrick Woods wasn't on his mind. But after watching our Tiger burn bright in the forests of the media since Thanksgiving, plenty of people have written plenty of things. And why not? It was too good to pass up! The infallible, pristine Tiger Woods...CHEATING? With PORN STARS? And ESCORTS? and PERKINS WAITRESSES??? (the punctuation here isn't mock alarm-ism...I'm sincerely puzzled.)
And in the days that followed the infamous Woods Family Thanksgiving Smackdown, all the man heard was "HOW COULD YOU?!?!?" "THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?!" "YOU RUINED MY LIFE!!!!" Which is to be expected from a jilted wife. Except it wasn't coming from a jilted wife. Elin Woods was in Sweden...it was coming from us.
I'm not going to put the media on blast here. What's the point? They've got a job to do. Sell stories. Sell papers. Sell websites. Complaining about them is tilting at windmills. The mass media has changed over the past decade. We've reached a point where what was once one Page 7 on the National Enquirer now is on the front page of CNN.com. I kind of wish the great Walter Cronkite was still with us and on the air... "According to Ms. James, star of My First Sex Teacher, Tiger Woods enjoyed Male/Male/Female Threesomes. And that's the way it is."
We all know about supply and demand (Just ask Tiger! HEY NOW!) Its an economic practice so simple that I actually understand it. Give the people what they want and you'll succeed. Why did the New York Post cover sordid details of Tiger's affairs? Why did ESPN.com run full color photos of his harem? Supply and demand baby. America ate it up like we were at a China Buffet and they just refilled the Lo Mien.
Well guess what...I'm puking. I'm puking it back up right here on this little blog. Because it makes me sick. It turned my stomach to see Tiger Woods squirm and sweat his way through an uncomfortable apology to America this morning. But what turned this into Vom Party 2010 was people's reactions.
"Insincere!"
"Liar!"
"Not good enough for me!"
To those gnashing their teeth and beating their breasts, I've created a little flowchart I'd like you to consult.
I AM ANGRY THAT TIGER WOODS CHEATED!!!
Are you Elin Woods?
If you answered no to the above, are you related to Elin Woods or Tiger Woods?
If you answered no to the above, get a life.
Tiger Woods owes us NOTHING. Not an explanation, not a refund on his endorsements, and CERTAINLY not an apology. Think about this sentence for a moment and if you don't see the sheer absurdity of it, do yourself a favor and go lie down.
"I am angry that you cheated on your wife because you are good at golf."
There. That's the crux of this whole big damn deal. Don't tell me its more than that, because if it is, you're overthinking. The only reason we know the name Eldrick Tont Woods is because of a game. From his putt-off on "The Mike Douglas Show" in '78 to his face off with the media today, the only thing Tiger Woods has done worth noting is played golf. And playing it better than anyone ever has. But they didn't give him the Green Jacket for fatherhood. Last time I checked, his last ESPY wasn't for "Husband of the Year." We know him because he GOLFS. That does not make him a role model. That does not make him an icon. That makes him a man doing what he is great at. My father, Frank Charles Krenek, is a great transportation manager. If they had a transportation manager Hall of Fame, he would have been in the inaugural class. But if my father ever cheated on my mother (eligible for Mon Don Teacher HOF in 2013), he wouldn't have to go on ESPN and apologize. Why? Because nobody cares about the life of a transportation manager. But people care about Tiger Woods. Because he's on TV! He's in commercials! That makes him DIFFERENT! Why? Why does it make him different? I understand he has an "image." But that "image" was the product of a marketing team and publicist. Because that's what we want on our cans of shaving gel and boxes of cereal. An image. An image that we just CAN'T WAIT to tear down once someone gets it. To think we "knew" Tiger Woods because of how he sounded in interviews with Men's Health is mindbending. To those who say "The minute he signed up to be a spokesman, he signed up to be a role model!"...If I give you $5 million to say you like our radio show, you turnin' it down? Didn't think so.
Tiger Woods is a failure as a husband and Tiger Woods is a failure as a father. This is not in doubt. But you know what else its not? Our business. It is so unfair to say that it is simply because he's living out what seems to be his destiny...playing golf. The only people who have any right to feel let down by Tiger's actions are his family and friends. Watching him play golf on Sundays, buying products with his face on them...these things do not make you his friend. We live in a society in which everyone is OBSESSED with fame and OBSESSED with gossip. The minute someones face comes across a movie screen or a Jumbotron, we flock to them like vultures to carrion. Why? What makes them better than us? The money? The recognition? Those things come from a combination of luck and talent. Nothing else. Are we to begrudge them that? Athletes are not role models. Celebrities are not role models. Hitting a ball or signing a song does not make a person "great." It makes them "great at something." Its high time we got our noses of the tabloids and back into reality. If you are the type of person who needs a "role model"....maybe the vetting process should be more stringent than "Rich/Talented." There are role models in your own life...people you can actually SPEAK to. People who can actually GUIDE you. Not posters on your wall or faces on the Wheaties Box. Find those people, leave Tiger to lick his wounds, and listen to The Shore Sports Report on Fox Sports 1310am and 1160 WOBM AM. Joe Giglio?...Now that's a role model.
