NBA MOCK DRAFT 2009 BONANZA HOEDOWN PARTY

Oh its time folks. Its time for the annual hootnanny of "upside", "wingspan", and goofy bowties...The NBA Draft. I can't lie, I LOVE the NBA Draft. I love ESPN's coverage of it too. I love the push (and subsequently failure of) of making Jay Bilas the basketball Mel Kiper. I love watching Jalen Rose talk like he's the measuring stick all potential NBA players need to measure up to. I love Stu Scott attempting to interview a kid who is clearly upset about where he's headed. The whole thing gives me a thrill. One thing I do not like, however, is trying to predict who will go where in this thing. Everyone trades up. Everyone trades down. People sell picks. They trade draft rights. Its almost as if they should do the thing without any cameras and two days later, print a list of who actually went where. Half the time, the team who picks a player has no intention of actually having the player on their team. It begs the question "Why not take a guy you actually want?" but what do I know. I'm not on mind-altering narcotics.

ANYWAY, like the NFL Draft before, my intrepid co-host has challenged me to a "Mock-Off." After an 8-8 tie in our NFL contest, the time has come to earn myself some bragging rights (and a sandwich.) I've been pouring over mock drafts since September, trying to find out exactly which one I wanted to rip off. But then I realized...what's so fun about a mock draft? What about my mock draft makes it a. entertaining or b. worth reading. Clearly, I do not know nearly enough to make it either, so I've decided to rely on cheap gimmicks. I've included a link in the names of each team...the links lead to a treasure trove of different photographs...Each of the players were drafted by said team...Each of the players made fools of the fans, owners, general managers, and basketball in general. Try and guess who they are!!!

WITHOUT FURTHER ADIEU...


MIKE KRENEK'S NBA MOCK(ERY) DRAFT 2009

1. Los Angeles Clippers (Who can take a franchise? Ruin it for good?): Blake Griffin, PF, OU

2. Memphis Grizzlies (Laugh it up, Drew): Hasheem Thabeet, C, UCONN

3. OKC Thunder (From "Possible High School Shooter" to Pro): Ricky Rubio, PG, Spain

4. Sacramento Kings (The Artist Formerly Known as Oliver): Tyreke Evans, PG/SG, Memphis

5. Minnesota Timberwolves (Are you kidding me, Felton?) : Stephen Curry, PG, Davidson

6. Minnesota Timberwolves (No witty caption. He just stunk): James Harden, SG, Arizona St.

7. GS Warriors (He's a better poet than center. His poems stink.): Jrue Holliday, PG, UCLA

8. New York Knicks (Hint: He's the dunkee. Not the dunker): Jordy Hill, PF, Arizona

9. Toronto Raptors (What's with the pose, man?): DeMar DeRozan, SG, USC

10. Milwaukee Bucks (I'd trade him for Dirk too): Jonny Flynn, PG, Syracuse

11. New Jersey Nets (RIP): Terrance Williams, SG, Louisville

12. Charlotte Bobcats (The Face of a Champion) : Gerald Henderson, SG, Duke

13. Indiana Pacers (Fun to say. Bad to play): Brandon Jennings, PG, Europe

14. Phoenix Suns (And I don't mean Barbosa): James Johnson, F, Wake

15. Detroit Pistons (Chill out, man): BJ Mullens, C, Ohio State

16. Chicago Bulls (Making sure you're paying attention): DeJuan Blair, PF, Pittsburgh

17. Philadelphia 76ers (Prediction? Payne...for the fans) Tywon Lawson, PG, UNC

18. Minnesota Timberwolves (Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Ebi?): Earl Clark, F, Louisville

19. Atlanta Hawks (No pro should look this surprised to have the ball): Eric Maynor, PG, VCU

20. Utah Jazz (Odds Quince just did something wrong?) Tyler Hansborough, PF, UNC

21. New Orleans Hornets: (Why the Old Man Halloween Mask, George?): Sam Young, SF, Pitt

22. Portland Trailblazers (Qyntel. One vowel. Less talent.): Chase Buddinger, SF, Arizona

23. Sacramento Kings (Nerdy white guy quota? Filled.): Omri Casspi, SF, Isreal

24. Dallas Mavericks (I'm actually wearing this at my wedding): Jeff Teague, PG, Wake

25. Oklahoma City Thunder (This will haunt my dreams.): Wayne Ellington, SG, UNG

26. Chicago Bulls (I'd be sad too, Marcus.): Austin Daye, SF, Gonzaga

27. Memphis Grizzlies (Here's a doughy fellow.): DaJuan Summers, SF, Georgetown

28. Minnesota Timberwolves (Let's give them a break this time): Derek Brown, SF, Xavier

29. Los Angeles Lakers (The face that blocked 1,000 trades): Patty Mills, PG, St. Mary's

30. Cleveland Cavaliers (Mihm's the word. In bad picks) Toney Douglas, G/F, FSU



Bet I got about 3 right.

Finals Fever

I'll come right out and say it. I am a diehard NBA fan. My walls are painted Indiana Pacers colors. The NBA on NBC theme is among my "Most Played" on ITunes. If you through my "Profile Pictures" album on Facebook, you'll find photos of Buck Williams, Anthony Mason, and the mid 90s Charlotte Hornets. I was the "I" in the "I Love This Game" ad campaign. I love baseball, adore football and tolerate hockey. But my soul is orange with black lining. So therefore, you'll excuse me for getting fired up when the "NBA is rigged" talk starts flaring up like a veneral disease. It fries my biscuts to say the very least. Yes, I know all about Tim Donaghy (who was just brutalized in prison...probably by a Suns fan.) but, by my estimation, David Stern (that adorable spitfire) cleaned up that mess and has restored order to the Roundball Kingdom. All we heard about this season was that the NBA "wanted" a Kobe/Lebron Finals and Stern would do everything in his tiny little power to make that happen. Please. Its a sport folks, not the WWE. Perhaps if Mike Brown had DDTed Stan Van Gundy or commisoned Ted DiBiase to pay off Rashard Lewis, I'd be singing a different tune. But conspiracy theorists be damned, the fact of the matter is the Finals matchup is between the Magic of Orlando and The Los Angeles Lakers.



Or at least it was until last night.



Trust me, the texts came in. "NBA's rigged!" "Stern must die!" "F**k this, I'm bringing back the ABA!". While I may like that last suggestion, let's get down to brass tax folks. Did the officials miss an offensive foul on Kobe Bryant during the extra period? Indeed they did. Bryant's elbow caught Jameer Nelson square in the chin and knocked him the ground, allowing The Fish to hit his second clutch three of the evening. But Magic fans must have their nerulyzers on full blast, because they seem to forget a play from earlier in which Nelson took something ELSE on the chin. With seconds remaining on the clock, a seemingly curious inbound call by Phil Jackson turned into something special for the Lake Show. Jackson decided to inbound the ball in the backcourt, a desicion that Mark Jackson and Jeff Van Gundy questioned. However, two beautiful passes by Bryant and Trevor Ariza led to Derek Fisher being able to spot up and stroke a three that my father could have hit. It didn't have to be that way however. Jameer Nelson (whose presence on the floor is a different story altogether) decided to defend the much older, much slower, and much shinier Fisher inside the three point line. The Fish, as he's been doing his whole career, made Nelson pay and tied the ball game with 4.6 remaining. (On a side note, Derek Fisher told a reporter after the game that faith, confidence, family, and friends are what helps him be so clutch. I've got all four. Yet I couldn't make an NBA three pointer if you spotted me 2 points. What gives Derek?) As the great Grecian philospher Mark Jackson once said..."Hand down, Man down son." Jameer's gotta get right up in the gills of Fisher there.

HOWEVER...Nelson would have never been in the position to be out of position if Big Dwight Howard didn't clank two free throws on the possession before. Look guys, I love the big goof. He's the most dominant defensive center since Mt. Mutumbo and his ceiling is much higher. But his offensive game is far from polished. He doesn't have a go-to move and tries to rely on pure strength way too often. In the New York Post today, Kareem Abdul Jabbar (master of the go-to move and portraying goat-men in Gatorade commericals) shares my point of view on this. I've heard many people say they'd take Dwight Howard first overall in a "Entire NBA Fantasy Draft." I'm not doubting the big man's talent, but before I bust out the anoiting oils, I'd like to see him develop an offensive game other than crowdpleasing slams. I've heard a lot of folks (I'm looking at you Whitlock) who won't hang the goat's horns on Dwight for the missed free throws because "he's only 23" or "Free throws aren't his game", yet go on to compare him to Bill Russell in the same paragraph....

HOLD THE PHONE. You can't have it both ways. Either he's a 23 year old unpolished center or you have Bill Russell. You can't have your cake and eat it too (although in Whitlock's case, it seems he's been doing a bit of both.) The praise that is heaped on Dwight Howard galvanizes the truth. We are dealing with a guy who just isn't ready enough or complete enough to be the "star" on a championship team. Turning the ball over 7 times and leaving 8 points (including the afforementioned crucial pair) at the line is not going to get it done. Superman is fun to watch, he's got a million killowatt smile and a billion gigawatt jams, but he just don't have the complete game to be a championship caliber superstar now.

Fact of the matter is, the Magic aren't a championship team yet. I'm of the belief that the kick-it-out, run n' run, yell like a cracked out Grover style that SVG runs is not going to win a title. The 7 Seconds or Less Suns didn't win. This Magic team won't either. If Lebron hooks up with D'Antoni, I might be singing a different tune. But what Orlando is is a jump shooting team who can't put it away at the end. They turn the ball over (19 times) and can't convert at the stripe (59.5%). They lack the killer instinct that Kobe, Fish, Gasol, and Jackson have. They lack the experience. They lack closer mentality. And they lack a snappy rap song about their star.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5iXjWb3egQ


Lakers in 5.